Well, I am home alone for the next two nights while my boyfriend is out of town workning (thank god). I am doing my own little makeover, a deep conditioning treatment for my hair, soul, mind, and body! I have had a rough week so far and I am hoping things get better. I feel beat down on so many levels. Sunday a huge, huge fight once again with Dominick, Monday my boss bitching at me over things that are beyond my control like patient's not doing what they are supposed to, and this is my problem how? Yesterday a doctor yelled at me over the phone and hung up on me for asking for an antibiotic for a patient, I also had a very sad encounter with a man at the gas station, it was so strange and sad. It was an elderly man and it was a very cold morning, he was digging in the trashcan at the gas station collecting cans, I looked at him and he saw me so I said "hello" he proceeded to say "I know you see me doing this, do you know why" and I kid you not this is 100% true, I said "No, why" and tears started rolling down his face, he said he is doing it for a charity that helps children with heart defects and he has been doing it everyday for years, he said he had a nephew who passed away when he was 13 from an enlarged heart and he hoped that nothing like that ever happened to anyone close to me, then he apologized for crying, I said I am sure that everything that he does is greatly appreciated and he said "I am sorry, I can't talk about this anymore" He walked away and leaned on a light pole beside the street because he was crying so much he couldn't walk anymore. And this has just stuck with me so much, I don't know why, but I feel like that all happened for some crazy reason, I actually feel like everything happens for a reason. It made me feel awful!! I am here in Maryland and sometimes I feel so alone. I know I have great friends and family members who are always a call away though. But at the same time something keeps me here too. I know I am being so cynical, and I don't know why. I have so so much on my mind. I know life could be worse and I am not saying I have a bad life. I am just at a crossroad and I don't know where to go from here and it is so difficult. I don't want to make the wrong decision and I am looking for someone to help me make the right one but so far that hasn't happened just yet! Everyone has an opinion and I am glad to hear them, but at the same time, no one walks in my shoes to know everything good and bad that happens here. I am trying to approach things in a new more positive way and see how that works, but at the same time I am not going to sit back and feel like I am getting walked all over either!!
This was me by the end of the night, not sure what exactly I was doing!!